We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
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