Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
