he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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