sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
