So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
