There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
