god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
