I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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