I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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