I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I should be sponsored by Trojan
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
