If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We just shotgunned beers for America
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
