I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Boobs speak an international language.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
