yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
