He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
