just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Welp...herpes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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