i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
