I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize