He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
