: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
