I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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