At least make sure they are 18
Why
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize