I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
