He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
