Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i came on her dog
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
