Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
