Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
