apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
