Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
