It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
