I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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