You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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