perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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