I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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