I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
