I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
