does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize