fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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