So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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