I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
