i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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