Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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