Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
