I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think my tv is drunk
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
