i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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