i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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