I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
