We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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