do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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