Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize