i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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