it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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