in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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