I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
