My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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