I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
