ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
