He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
