Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
