he shaved USA in his pubs
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
