just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
