o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
