So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
