I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
