she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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