Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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