i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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