and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
