I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
