Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The Olympian is in my bed
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
