Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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