i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
