I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
