The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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